Sachet in Montreal

Sunshine in the midst of darkness...

2008-09-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

Reading and writing about what the worst atrocities a human being is capable of doing has started to have some impact on my moods, my spirit ... It took a simple one big sunflower to brighten my day in such a very special way. Looking at it, as many days as it will last, helps me bring some sunshine into the darkness of my dissertation subject ....

Québec 400ème anniversaire/Québec city's 400th Anniversary

2008-08-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

Le weekend dernier, Marcel et moi sommes allés à la ville de Québec afin de profiter des célébrations liées au 400ème anniversaire de la création de la ville. .

Last weekend Marcel and I went to Québec to take advantage of the 400th anniversary celebration.

Québec City, the only Canadian city declared a UNESCO World Heritage Site, celebrates the 400th anniversary of its founding, which also marks the founding of Canada.

Pour l'histoire vous pouvez consulter ce site/for more history you can consult this website
http://www.ville.quebec.qc.ca/fr/exploration/histoire.shtml

Désolé pour l'ordre des photos le blog ne marche pas bien/sorry for the order of the pictures the blog is acting out

Even Gandhi is represented in Québec

Another reminder ... to fully embrace and appreciate life on a daily manner ....

2008-08-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

Through a former co-worker and friend I just found out that a former patient who we both cared for while working at the hospital died of a 2 year battle with cancer at the age of 37. She was diagnosed with colon cancer when she gave birth to her first child and was told then to have 6 months to live.

"As Cancer Lingered, She Lived a Bold Life":
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/05/health/05cancer.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Too often, I forget how fragile life can be and how suddenly everything can vanish ... Unfortunately, it takes stories like this to bring me back to the appreciation of life and realizing that I need to do a better job at cherishing what I have ...

New Hamphsire/Maine Coast

2008-08-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

Just returned from a few day trip on the New Hamphire and Maine coast. Marcel took me away from Montreal to celebrate my birthday as well as get some rest before starting his new position and my 3 months of intense studies. The weather was not as warm and sunny as expected for summer but we were able to have 3 days mostly dry which allowed us to enjoy the beauty of the coast and being outdoors. I had a wonderful birthday that was extended over 4 days; never experienced this before! ;) Besides having a wonderful time with Marcel, the highlights of the trip were eating a fresh lobster on the beach and getting my toes painted in red for the first time ever! (weird eh for a 38 year old woman ;) )

Ce qu'il reste de nous/What remains of us

2008-08-04T19:10:00.000-07:00

Just watched a powerful documentary on Tibet "What remains of us". I highly recommended it; it's a very moving and informative documentary on the impact of the Chinese oppression on the Tibetans' spirituality, traditions and culture. We cannot and must not be insensitive and passive of this tragedy... at the same time I'm not sure where to start...

Forced to seek refuge in India and still viewed by China as a threat to national security, the Dalai Lama had never returned to Lhasa. For 50 years, he had been prevented from crossing the mountains separating him prom his homeland. For 50 years, he had not spoken directly to Tibetans inside the country.

Kalsang Dolma, a young Tibetan refugee in Quebec, crosses the Himalayas. Into the largest prison in the world, she carries a video message recorded by the spiritual and political leader of Tibetans. Families gather around the tiny screen, transfixed, and for one of the first times, the voices of this fragile people under the yoke of suffering reach us from across the distance.
This film was shot without the knowledge of the Chinese authorities, using small digital cameras, during nearly a dozen secret forays into Tibet between 1996 and 2004.

Je viens récemment de voir le documentaire "Ce qu'il reste de nous". Je le recommende vivement. C'est très poignant et informatif sur l'impact de l'oppression Chinoise sur la spiritualité, les traditions et la culture des Tibétins. On ne peut et ne doit pas rester insensible et passif face à cette tragédie ... malgré tout je ne sais par oú commencer...

Toujours considéré par la Chine comme une menace à la sécurité nationale, le dalaï-lama n'avait jamais remis les pieds à Lhassa. Il y avait donc 50 ans qu'il n'avait pu franchir librement les montagnes qui le séparent de son pays. Il y avait 50 ans qu'il ne s'était pas adressé aux Tibétains de l'intérieur. Un simple écran portatif a conjuré le sort.

Kalsang Dolma, une Tibétaine réfugiée au Québec, franchira l'Himalaya. Par-delà les frontières de la plus vaste prison du monde, elle porte un message filmé du chef spirituel et politique des Tibétains. Les familles se rassemblent autour du petit écran et, pour l'une des premières fois, la parole de ce peuple sous l'emprise de la douleur traverse le silence et parvient jusqu'à nous.
Ce film-choc a été tourné à l'insu des autorités chinoises, à l'aide de petites caméras numériques, lors d'une dizaine d'incursions clandestines sur le territoire du Tibet entre 1996 et 2004.

http://www.onf.ca/webextension/cequilrestedenous/

Cup Rogers semi-finals/Coupe Rogers demi-finales

2008-08-02T14:30:00.000-07:00

Just came back from my first ever Tennis Masters Series held in Montreal thanks to a friend of Marcel who graciously gave us 2 tickets! We watched a double (Rus-Ita/Aust-Tch) and half of a single (France/Slov). We left before a major storm started! I had an amazing experience! I more than ever motivated so learn how to play! ;) Here are some exclusive pics!

De Niro's game

2008-06-13T18:12:00.000-07:00

If you are looking for a great book to read this summer, here is one: De Niro's game!! I am very honored to know his author who is the person I am subletting from: Rawi Hage. The book has been translated in many languages including French (Parfum de poussière).

Canadian novelist's first book wins world's richest literary prize De Niro's Game by Canadian Rawi Hage has won the 13th annual International IMPAC Dublin Literary Award, the world's richest literary prize -- €100,000 (or about $160,000 Canadian) for a single work of fiction published in English. The win was announced today in Dublin, and marks the first time a debut book has won the prize. Hage is only the second Canadian to win the award, after Alistair MacLeod in 2001 for his novel No Great Mischief.

The IMPAC award caps a whirlwind ascent to literary stardom for an author whose book was pulled from publisher House of Anansi's slushpile, and was written in the Montreal resident's third language, English (he also speaks Arabic and French). Nominated for prestigious literary prizes in Canada and abroad -- including the Scotiabank Giller Prize, the Governor General's Literary Award for Fiction, and the Commonwealth Writers' Prize for Best First Book -- De Niro's Game has so far been sold in fifteen territories, and can be read in a dozen languages. The French edition of De Niro's Game recently won the Prix des libraries du Quebec in time for its release in France, where Hage will appear at Festival America in Vincennes in September.

In 1992, Hage emigrated to Montreal after having lived through nine years of the Lebanese Civil War. Only two years ago, Rawi Hage was working as a visual artist making ends meet driving a cab. All that changed with the publication of De Niro's Game. With its haunting first words, "Ten thousand bombs had landed," Hage's novel crafts a beautiful and explosive portrait of young men who have been shaped by lifelong experience of war.

The IMPAC award is not only lucrative for the author, it is especially meaningful for readers because the books selected are nominated by public libraries from around the world. De Niro's Game was chosen by the Winnipeg Public Library and triumphed in the competition over 137 nominated titles by 162 public libraries from 45 countries.

De Niro's Game
Rawi Hage

"There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide."

In Rawi Hage's astonishing and unforgettable novel, this famous quote by Camus becomes a touchstone for two young men caught in Lebanon's civil war. Bassam and George are childhood best friends who have grown to adulthood in wartorn Beirut. Now they must choose their futures: to stay in the city and consolidate power through crime; or to go into exile abroad, alienated from the only existence they have known. Bassam chooses one path: Obsessed with leaving Beirut, he embarks on a series of petty crimes to finance his departure. Meanwhile, George builds his power in the underworld of the city and embraces a life of military service, crime for profit, killing, and drugs.

Told in the voice of Bassam, De Niro's Game is a beautiful, explosive portrait of a contemporary young man shaped by a lifelong experience of war.

Rawi Hage brilliantly fuses vivid, jump-cut cinematic imagery with the measured strength and beauty of Arabic poetry. His style mimics a world gone mad: so smooth and apparently sane that its razor-sharp edges surprise and cut deeply. A powerful meditation on life and death in a war zone, and what comes after.

Major catch up # 2!!

2008-06-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

I must say that the month of May was the month of the year so far!! It was also the beginning of a new romance with a wonderful Franco-Québecois! I did not know that men like this existed!! As it often happens, things happen when you least expect it. So far so good and we'll see where this new adventure goes. Last weekend, we had our first camping trip to Mont Washington, NH, US. The weekend was delightful and the scenery was georgous! I honestly don't recall when I last felt so relaxed and good despite the hell of a hike we did to get to the summit!

Major catch up!!

2008-06-13T17:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many of you read this blog but for the few who do I apologize for taking so long since the last update. So much has happened between classes, site seeing and romance!!

The month of May was extremely busy with an intensive summer program at McGill University where I took several courses on transcultural psychiatry. It was an amazing experience
at an intellectual and human level! People from all over the world attended the courses coming from Australia, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Spain, Israel, even the US ! I met some wonderful people! The courses content was overall rewarding and met most of my expectations. I actually came to Montreal for this specific program and its research focus.

During the month of May I also did some sigh seeing with some people I met at the program. I went to Mont Tremblant, a mountain which is located couple of hours from Montreal, with Ino and Mouna. We got along amazingly well and we had a blast!!

Québec City

2008-05-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I had the great opportunity to participate at a conference in Québec on the subject of asylum seekers. My friend, Grace, and I arrived on Sunday to enjoy and discover the old part of town. Unfortunately, it rained that day but it was still beautiful! Here are some pics! I hope next time I will visit Québec with one of you guys but this time under the sun!

Zeitgeist

2008-03-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

For those who haven't seen yet the movie "Zeitgeist", I wanted to let you know about it and strongly encourage you to watch it. It can only make us question and positively challenged our constructed beliefs as well as what we consider being reality and "the truth"...

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace".
Sri Chinmay Ghose

http://zeitgeistmovie.com/index.html

Pour ceux qui n'ont pas encore vu le film "Zeitgeist", je voulais vous mettre au courant et vous inviter à le regarder. Ce film ne peut que nous interpeller et avoir le potentiel de remettre en question de façon positive et constructive nos croyances toutes faites et ce que nous prenons pour réalité et "être la vérité"...

"Lorsque que le pouvoir de l'amour triomphera de l'amour du pouvoir, le monde connaîtra la paix".
Sri Chinmay Ghose

http://zeitgeistmovie.com/index.html

Visit to Seattle

2008-03-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

My few days in Seattle were very fullfilling! Every minute of my time was scheduled, which made me feel like a business woman but I enjoyed every minute of it! John was very sweet to
throw a party at his house and it was a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with people I had not seen since I left last August. It was wonderful to be back to a familiar place and realizing how many wonderful people I know there. I guess leaving helps one to better realize and appreciate what you had ...

Carole and some of her favorite tall dudes! (Clay, John and Derek) :) John had a party theme, which involved taking pictures with every male friend that was present. I'm not quite sure yet what the message was behind it but the party was lots of fun!!

Carole trying out Derek's shoes, size 18! Big sexy huge boats worn with Courtney's dress.

Diane and Courtney preparing some yummy food for the joy of everybody!

Courtney, thanks to whom I was able to look more dressy for the party. The air line company had lost my luggage on the way in and back ;(

Emily who made an amazing Paëlla dish! I'm so looking forward to attending the wedding this summer! I'm crossing my fingers to be able to return to Seattle for this very special occasion!!

Thank you to all of you guys for coming to the party and making the evening such a wonderful and memorable time! I should be back another time to Seattle in the next few months so I could catch up with those that I did not get the chance to see then or spend much time with. Next time, I'm planning to stay at least for 2 weeks in order to be more relaxed, less rushed and enjoy Seattle a bit more.

Back to the top floor and Seattle!

2008-03-01T14:00:00.000-08:00

I'm finally moved out of my basement and all moved in into my top floor apartment! It reminds me of my old apartment in Seattle where I lived for almost 10 years! I can finally see again the sun, the moon, the snow falling ... ! It's a new world of light and life again! It will definitely improve my overall moral and hopefully motivates me to study harder! So, the invitation is out, I have a comfortable place to host those of you who are interested to visit!

Few weeks ago, I was so home sick that I booked a flight to Seattle and I'm going back next week for a short visit. I'm so looking forward to the familiar and be with people I feel comfortable with and with whom I can be myself, especially goofy as much as I want to be! :) Unfortunately, since I'm only staying a long weekend I won't be able to see everybody but I should be back in July so I can catch up with the ones I haven't see then then.

The paradox of our time

2008-02-15T17:37:00.000-08:00

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

A shared experience and more

2008-02-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

First of all, thank you so much for those who provided their support and understanding! I was very touched! It definitely makes a world of a difference and all of a sudden the solitude is more bearable when your experience is shared and understood by others.

This episode made me realized how homesick I was and I jumped on buying one of the airfare deals that Air Canada had. I miss tremendously the familiar and my friends. Even if it is for few days, I 'm very excited to go back home for a short while....

It is amazing how many emotions, challenges, questions and discomfort acculturation can bring up! Even after the 3rd acculturation process, I am still struggling to peacefully dive into the unknown ... Imagine how much those who are not white, bilingual, well educated, may struggle! It is definitely a reminder of how much hardship refugees are faced with when they find refuge to our countries. It helps to put into perspective my own reality...

Back to darkness...

2008-02-04T18:57:00.000-08:00

How long will this loneliness last? It feels so painful at times….
I know it is a matter of time and adjustment but it is so hard at times to be patient.

Am I doomed to always feel this way? Feeling overwhelmed with adjustment, then adjusting to finally being bored, wanting something new, getting it and moving on, and the cycle starts again. I guess the only other time it happened before was when I left France in 1998 for love and stayed in Seattle even after my marriage collapsed. I tried for several years to make it work on a personal and professional level. After a while, after many attempts of feeling not fulfilled I decided to take a leap of faith and shifted my life journey for a new start. I left a place where I was settled and tried the adventure of a PhD program in a new country. Was it a crazy idea? Will I be able to succeed? Gosh! I feels like it will be too much to overcome on my own… I guess it’s only now that I understand why so many people said how courageous I was…

Is it because it’s winter? Is it a mix of my living and seasonal conditions along with the acculturation process that make me feel this way? I miss seeing people on a daily basis. I miss being a social worker, a therapist, having an active life. I miss organizing parties at my old apartments and act goofy with my friends ...

There are so many new things to figure out when you are a foreigner before life feels finally stable again. I know I cannot figure out everything at once. I know I can’t get to know a new city, be comfortable as a PhD student, build a new social network, make a descent living and deal with the in between cultures and languages in 5 months. I know I can’t but I so would love too!

I know how privileged I am and that I should not complain. I am white, well educated, bilingual, I have more chances than most to make it work despite the immigration process. I feel ashamed to even feel this way but the feeling are real and overwhelming …

I guess, I’m simply feeling depressed and it will finally go away soon…. Hopefully, in a few months I will be laughing at what I just wrote and will no longer want to run back to Seattle …

From darknesss to light

2008-01-19T15:35:00.000-08:00

So 2008 started with the plan to moving to a new place! I was not looking to move until spring or summer but I had this great opportunity that presented itself and I could not turn it down! It's allowing me to leave my basement and move to a top floor apartment! Great location, a very good deal, and especially I can finally see the light!! I can't wait to move in because my moods have not been great since I came back from France... ;( I'm still waiting for the credit check to clear before I get the green light to move in, so I hope it all works out! I'm also very excited to move into this new place because I will have much more space to host more comfortably. So guys get in line!!

Besides the moving news, which will happen towards the end of February, school started again with social policy and research methodology classes. I'm also awaiting impatiently to see my thesis advisor in order to move forward with my thesis and employment situation but she has not been available so far. Things will be much more stable once I talk to her and clarify our collaboration, which will determine how well the rest of the year will unfold. This situation is definitely impacting my moral and my ability to continue adjusting to my new life in Montreal.

I also think that my moral has been impacted by a change of pace. I went from spending over 2 weeks in France being very busy every day, seeing friends and family, to returning to my basement with a much slower pace, a limited social network and an unclear situation with my thesis advisor.

Furthermore, my experience with guys here in Montreal has not been the most positive so I'm going to hold off for a while and stay away from them until my life with my doctorat program is more stable and that I am more adjusted with this new life!

So many learning experiences in the last 5 months! I forgot what it meant to move to a new country! Amazing learning experiences but it always go with some major soul searching and questioning about one's self! I think it's finally time for me to stay in one place! However, it's a bit soon to tell if Montreal is the place...

Carole's latest and to a new fantastic year!

2008-01-06T14:47:00.000-08:00

Here is finally some updates on my blog! I need to preface that the quality of my English has worsen since I am slowly re-appropriating my French language. Apparently, I can't be fluent with both languages at the same time ;(

The last month of 2007:
December has been pretty hectic between finals, wondering if I should change university and spending the holidays in France. My Christmas break did not start well since I missed my flight to Paris due to a snow storm. I was finally being able to make it to Paris one day later at no cost, thank you Air Canada! However, I still had to wait 9 hours at the airport ;)

The holidays in France went well. The trip was rich in so many ways, spending quality time with friends and family. I caught up with many friends, some I had not seen in 15 and 8 years, Fred and Karine!

I also went to Marseille (south of France) where I visited relatives that I had not seen for quite some time. The weather there was beautiful which felt wonderful to my skin and soul!

Paris was also the meeting place with some dear American friends that I had not seen for quite a while and are living across the globe: Andy (South Africa), Stephanie (London) and Denise (Miami).

School:
In terms of school, I submitted my application to McGill and will find out soon if I am accepted or not. However, after consulting with several people it seems that having a good research adviser is more important than being in a prestigious university so after all the drama and saga I may stay at UdM and take my courses at McGill.

Love:
Well, not much luck so far and it is actually better this way since I need to stay focus with my school work ;)

New year:

It will be a fantastic year! My warmest wishes to you all for this new year filled with health, love, joy and laughters !

Montreal sous la neige/Snowing in Montreal

2007-11-20T06:03:00.001-08:00

Finally, it's snowing in Montreal! I'm glad I was able to get on time what I needed for the cold weather!

Nothing too exciting in the last month since my last posting: working, studying, hanging out with the new friends I made here. The one big thing was this workshop I attended last week that was quite a fascinating experience. It was on cultural psychotherapy and it is called psychohistorigraphy. The theme was on reasonable accomodations, which has been a very delicate/hot topic here in Québec because of the large amount of immigrants that need to be accomodated due to their cultural and religious background. It was a 2 day intense human experience with a group of 36 people where we expresssed our feelings, thoughts, experience into songs, poem, playback and scenette. Then, few days later we had a performance followed by a discussion with the audience, which was quite heated because the white québéquois did not feel represented in our performance. Through this workshop, where I did not know anybody when I first joined, I have met wonderful people and especially made some connection with folks who work for the department of transcultural psychiatry, which is one of the main reasons I moved to Montreal.

One more month before the end of the quarter, which means lots of studying of course and wrapping up my first quarter as a student again! Then, I fly to Paris where I will spend the hollidays and visit my family, French friends as well as some American friends who will be de passage in Paris as well. I' m looking forward to have a break and hang out with people I know well. I guess I need to be surrounded with people I know well to have that home feeling .... I guess I need a break from newness for a little while... ;)

Human connections and more acculturation ...

2007-10-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

Last week and this weekend, I had the chance to catch up with some friends (Walter, Sylvio, Diane, Clay and Chris) back in Seattle and it was great to reconnect with them! I love having those deep conversations with you guys (Chris and Clay) !

I also had the chance to talk with the person who has been my mentor the longest in Seattle. As usual his advices and wisdom have really helped me to see more clearly and feeling better about what direction to take (transferring or not to a different University) as well as prioritizing my studies. He is the reason why I got a master in social work when I first arrived in Seattle in 98. He has been my boss, professor and mentor since 1998 and has been and continues to be an amazing support in my professional and academic life. His encouragements helped me to have faith in applying to a PhD program. I feel grateful to have such a wonderful connection with him! Thank you Jon!!

This shift in my life, doing a PhD in Montreal, is huge and sometimes I have this brief realization of how overwhelming it is ... I can only let myself be in that state for a brief moment otherwise sadness and anxiety may paralyze me and I could not accomplish the demands of my life as a student. It's hard to not feel overwhelmed and anxious when everything is so new, uncertain and when the ones who know you the best and believe in you are so far away. I guess it has been exactly 2 months since I arrived in Montreal and I'm hitting another phase of my acculturation process .... It will pass and I'll find the strength to move forward with a positive and strong attitude.

First outing outside Montreal!

2007-10-10T18:49:00.001-07:00

Last Sunday was my first escapade outside Montreal! It was great to leave the big city and discover the country side. I went with Isabelle and her sister Marie-Odile to St. Sauveur to discover the colors of fall in Quebec. Isabelle as a "décapotable", it was great to admire the sceenery without a roof above our head.

I've met Isabelle in New York, 10 years ago, through my very good friend, Karine. She has a wonderful spirit and I truly enjoy hanging out with her.

The little church in St. Sauveur/L'église de Saint Sauveur with a beautiful blue sky. Very cute village but a bit too snobby.

Shake Hands With The Devil

2007-10-04T05:44:00.000-07:00

Few days ago, I watched the movie and my reactions were, as expected, very strong.

Here is a summary of the movie for those who haven't seen it. I highly recommended it!

At the bottom of the page, I added, in French, how I felt about it. (It's a good sign, I'm embracing my mother tongue again! ;))

SHAKE HANDS WITH THE DEVIL
The Journey of Roméo Dallaire

In 100 days - between April 6 and July 16, 1994 - an estimated 800,000 men, women and children were brutally killed in the obscure African country of Rwanda. The victims - many horrifically hacked to death with machetes - were Tutsi, and moderate Hutus who supported them.

One man was tasked by the United Nations with ensuring that peace was maintained in Rwanda - Canadian Lieutenant General Roméo Dallaire. But unsupported by U.N. headquarters and its Security Council far away in New York, Dallaire and his handful of soldiers were incapable of stopping the genocide.

After ten years of mental torture, reliving the horrors daily and more than once attempting suicide, Roméo Dallaire has poured out his soul in an extraordinary book. Shake Hands With The Devil is a cri de coeur. The General pulls no punches in his condemnation of top UN officials, expedient Belgian policy makers and senior members of the Clinton administration who chose to do nothing as Dallaire pleaded for reinforcements and revised rules of engagement.

Dallaire is convinced that, with a few thousand more troops and a mandate to act pre-emptively, he could have stopped the killings. His impotence, at a time of extreme crisis, preys on his conscience still.

The experienced Canadian documentary production company, White Pine Pictures, secured the documentary rights to General Dallaire’s book and exclusive access to follow him during his first return trip to Rwanda, in April 2004 - the 10th anniversary of the genocide. We were there as he revisited the killing fields that haunt him.

Shake Hands With The Devil is the most powerful documentary produced about the Rwandan genocide. Unflinching. Gut-wrenching. Challenging. Hard-hitting. This is appointment television for viewers throughout the world who care about human rights and international justice.

http://www.whitepinepictures.com/dallairesite/

Une injustice sans nom ...

Indignation de ce que l’être humain est capable de faire à des fins politiques et économiques.

La valeur de l’autre s’en trouve annihilé, plus rien ne devient important, même pas la vie de milliers d’êtres humains. Le prix d’une vie, de centaines ou de milliers de personnes ne compte pas.

Comment garder la foi en nos gouvernements, en la nature humaine lorsque l’horreur aurait pu être arrêtée !

Qui peut-on croire, à qui peut-on faire confiance lorsque, trop souvent, l’être humain n’est motivé que par le pouvoir, l ‘argent et le contrôle.

De nature innocente, confiante et optimiste envers l‘autre ou la relation égalitaire, de partage et d’entraide prévaut, qu’elle est donc ma place dans ce monde aussi hostile et lointain de mes valeurs ?

Abomination et indignation envers cette soif de pouvoir qui a perpétrée la trahison, l’abandon, et contribué au génocide…

Cultural differences ....

2007-09-30T15:29:00.000-07:00

This week I have been wondering a lot about cultural differences between the American and the French. There are obviously major differences but sometimes there are not that easy to define and pinpoint. Some of the most important differences are in regards to the way people relate to one another, demonstrate their attachment to others and are present for the ones they care and love. Both societies are marked by individualism but it appears that the level of reciprocity is defined and perceived differently in both cultures. As usual, it is difficult to make any generalizations but it is an overall feeling deeply felt, which has caused me interrogation, frustration, disappointment and sadness. Based on my experience and the conversations I have had with other French we agree that generally generosity and reciprocity is a behavior that is more natural and not as calculated within the French culture. Also, it appears that we are more foreword and honest in verbalizing our feelings. I am sure that there are many more differences but I'll stop the list for now. Some of you, whoever will be reading this post, may say "Carole why don't you go back to France then!" Well, it's not as easy as it seems. I am now in a position de "l'entre deux" (in between cultures) and unfortunately I don't feel like I would feel comfortable again in the French culture. I have learned so much about life and myself during my time in the US and will continue here in Canada. It has been a rich experience but at times my expectations about human connection has not met the vision I would have hoped for. It is simply a sad and harsh reality to realize and it will force me to readjust my expectations. Or maybe I'm simply too sensitive and idealist .....

Catching up on the last 2 weeks!

2007-09-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

School:
School has been kicking my ass! At first I thought my French was rusty and it was the reason why I did not understand the different readings. In reality, it's more about the complexity of the content since I'm not the only French speaking student who does not understand it! My knowledge in philosophy is pretty poor and I'm learning about phenomenology, hermeneutic etc..

As weird as it can seem for some people, I'm having a difficult time adjusting to the University of Montreal which is similar to the French system. Since my program is a joint one, I'm able to compare some of the differences between the two schools. So far, I'm not very impressed with the University of Montreal and I am considering transferring to McGill next year. The Anglo-Saxon system is more structured and supportive, which definitely suits me much better.
I know I just started school 2 weeks ago and I'm already starting to complain! But when it's about your $$ and your time you want the best conditions to achieve your goals!

Work:
I finally found out how much I am making for my research assistant position and oh my gosh I feel so poor again! I have not been paid at that rate for maybe 20 years! I feel like going back in time! Not a good feeling! Potatoes and pasta for lunch and dinner!

Life in Montreal:
Fall is here! It's still pretty warm but the trees are starting to change colors!

The city is beautiful! It's so ethnically diverse and vibrant! I'm getting to know more people which of course feels great! I love speaking both languages depending on who I talk to or which neighborhood I'm in. I started a kick boxing class that I really enjoy! I need to get some physical activity with all that cerebral masturbation!

Yesterday I watched my first dragon boat competition and it was so much fun! I'm thinking of joining a team next spring!

Romance:
Well, I should be open to meet someone again in few months once I'm a bit more adjusted to this new beginning!

First day of school...

2007-09-11T15:13:00.000-07:00

School finally started on Monday! My first class is on Development of social work theory and perspectives and the second one is on Analysis of qualitative research data. There are both in French, which I know sounds weird but it is still an adjustment for me. My Monday class is my PhD class and there are only 4 students, since they only accepted 4 this year (I feel quite privileged and keep thinking that they may have made a mistake ;)). So we are four women. One is originally from Lebanon and has been here for 12 years. The two others are white originally from Quebec. All of them have stable jobs. When the professor introduced her class I felt so out of place because I did not know what the hell she was talking about! Quickly I was overwhelmed by a tremendous feeling of feeling lost as well as a great sense of loss. I felt like running away to go back to Seattle! Everything appeared so new at all levels and I felt like I could not do it all on my own! It felt like it was too much at once: being in a new city, starting a PhD, not having a support system and being unable to articulate myself correctly in French. Talking to Leslie last night, my one friend in Montreal, helped tremendously and reminded me that what I am experiencing is normal and expected. Thank goodness today was definitely a better day than yesterday. I feel much stronger and ready to take on the challenge to finish my thesis in 3 years, even if my fellow PhD students who are in their 3rd or 4th year think it's a fantasy!!

Keeping up our dreams....

2007-09-09T16:26:00.000-07:00

Always Create Your Own Dreams
and Live Life to the Fullest

Dreams can come true
if you take the time to
think about what you want in life
Get to know yourself
Find out who you are
Choose your goals carefully
Be honest with yourself
Always believe in yourself
Find many interests and pursue them
Find out what is important to you
Find out what you are good at
Don't be afraid to make mistakes
Work hard to achieve successes
When things are not going right
don't give up - just try harder
Give yourself freedom to try out new things
Laugh and have a good time
Open yourself up to love
Take part in the beauty of nature
Be appreciative of all that you have
Help those less fortunate than you
Work towards peace in the world
Live life to the fullest
Create your own dreams and
follow them until they are a reality

-Poem by Susan Polis Schutz

Left to tell

2007-09-08T18:24:00.000-07:00

Today I spent the day reading "Left To Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust". This book is the most powerful book I ever read. I could not put it down, it was so captivating and moving. As some of you may already know my thesis topic is on "Rwanda: Construction of Meaning and Resilience Factors amongst its Survivors". This book definitely helped me to dive into the core of my topic.

Summary of the book from http://www.lefttotell.com/book/index.php
Immaculée shares her miraculous story of how she survived during the Rwanda genocide in 1994 when she and seven other women huddled silently together in the cramped bathroom of a local pastor’s house for 91 days! In this captivating and inspiring book, Immaculée shows us how to embrace the power of prayer, forge a profound and lasting relationship with God, and discover the importance of forgiveness and the meaning of truly unconditional love and understanding—through our darkest hours.

After being disconnected from my topic since I finished writing my thesis proposal back in January, this book allowed me to be in touch again with this poignant subject. I feel more than ever inspired and compelled to start this awaiting journey.

A tremendous THANK YOU to Salomé who gave me this book as a going away present.

What am I doing?

2007-09-07T19:06:00.000-07:00

Today I met with my PhD advisor and I started having some doubts about the choice I made to go for a PhD... I felt overwhelmed with the amount of work that is waiting for me!

I questioned myself if I will be indeed able to write a dissertation! It feels daunting, overwhelming, scary etc...!

Many doubts, fears, questions and after a while I realized once more that I made the right choice. I could not have continued doing what I was doing in Seattle. Nothing was no longer holding me back in Seattle including no long term significant other. Therefore, it was the perfect time to finally make the jump and try a new adventure to feel inspired again, focus on the work that has always passionated me and contribute to a field of research that is so essential to me, which is ethnopsychiatry and more specifically mental health and refugee. It seems that I may need to have a pretty ascetic life for a while, a long time, until my PhD is over.... 3 years more ...? Gosh I hope not ;( It feels like life will only be about reading, writing, reading, writing... What about the rest? Like meeting the right dude? ... Life will tell as it unfolds page after page, chapter after chapter like this new one that just started ....

Downtown Montreal

2007-09-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

I still have so much to discover but so far downtown Montreal is pretty cool! The population is ethnically and culturally very diverse. The architecture is very nice. It feels like home again with the old architecture, the narrow streets in old Montreal and of course the French language. It is definitely a mix of my two homes, France and Seattle. It's a wonderful feeling to have those two worlds in one!

Here are few pics of downtown Montreal:

Beautiful picture, heh? But unfortunately I did not take it ;)

Here is Chinatown where I tried to find some cheap things for the house to buy. I was not too successful but got some yummy jasmine tea.

I love the contrast between the old and new architecture!

A Nôtre Dame church.

Views of Montreal

2007-09-03T18:34:00.001-07:00

I am there, that's right!! Picture taken on top of what the Quebecois call the "Mountain", le Mont Royal.

Leslie and her mom, two terrific ladies! Leslie's hospitality has been wonderful and made a world of a difference in being a new comer in the city. Getting to know her has been a delight! Thanks so much Andrea!!

Part of downtown Montreal behind the trees ;)

The background of the picture is the US, Vermont state.

Back to school... weird....!!

2007-08-31T17:12:00.000-07:00

McGill University
University of Montreal

My PhD program is a joint program with those two Universities, therefore I will be taking classes on both campuses.

Such a weird feeling to going back to school. Looking at the other students on campus I feel so much older, and I am indeed! It crossed my mind if I had made the right choice but quickly I realized that yes I did. My professional life was no longer stimulating enough for me and I needed a major shift to be inspired again. I think what I’m experiencing is feeling out of marks at all levels, which gives me a sense of vulnerability and uncertainty.

Yesterday, I met for a long time with my thesis advisor and she offered me a job starting next week. I'll be working for her research team that focuses on mental health and culture. At first, it seems that the job will be more administrative than research focused but I feel grateful and very excited to have a job! My advisor seems very nice and willing to assist me in any way she can, which is a wonderful feeling as a new student and new comer in Montreal. We discussed the language in which I will write my thesis in. I was surprised to witness the intense emotional reaction I had about the possibility of writing in French. It seems that I have a very difficult time to let go of my "English life". I was determined to write in English for publication purposes but also in case I would return to the states. As she advised me if I end up staying here it would be preferable to write in French. She also mentioned that this time would be maybe the last opportunity to reconnect to such extent with my mother tongue and practise again writing in French. I have some time to decide so there is no urgency. Hopefully, taking few classes in both languages will help me in a few months make up my mind.

Starting from scratch again...

2007-08-31T17:02:00.000-07:00

Between Craigslist, shopping at Value Village, Wall-Mart (I know it's evil but this is the closest big cheap store I have access to without a car) and people giving me stuff I was finally able to furnish my new home. It’s a weird feeling to have sold or given away most of my belongings I accumulated over the last 9 years and starting from scratch again looking for bargains and used items to save as much as possible. That’s definitely not how I imagined my life at 37 years old but it is a temporary stage and it’s a great reminder of how futile materialism is.

It's all good, my space is coming together and it's starting to feel like home.

I have a home!

2007-08-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

Today was a big day! I finally received my 9 boxes from my UPS shipment with all my personal belongings! I must say that it was quite an ordeal to get to the UPS warehouse and clear them from customs. I'm learning how to get by without a car and when some locations are without good public transportation you have to rely on taxis, which cost beaucoup dinero ;( Anyway, now things have been taking care of and my place feels more like home. I still need an internet connection, some shelves, lamps and dishes and I'm ready to host! :)

I live few meters away from a very convenient metro station with lots of shops around. The place is becoming more cosy everyday. I haven't moved in yet but will next week.

I wonder who will be the first person to visit?....

Le Vieux Montreal/The Old Montreal

2007-08-21T14:31:00.000-07:00

First week in Montreal

2007-08-21T13:58:00.000-07:00

8/15
After spending 9 years in Seattle, another chapter of my life ended on Sunday August 12th when I took off to move to Montreal. So much has happened in those nine years, so much learning experiences on both a personal and professional level. Leaving Seattle was difficult but also filled with hopes to experience new fulfilling opportunities. A major shift needed to happen to shake things up and have new horizons opening up to feel more vibrant, intellectually challenged and stimulated. I left with no regret, after going through so many life lessons... A new door opened up in Montreal where it feels like a bridge between the US and France. I leave behind a wonderful support system and I know that I can always come back to Seattle, which definitely feels like home. Ironically, couple weeks before leaving I became closer to someone I’ve known for years. Only time will tell what will happen to the connection we created.

The person I’m staying with, Leslie, is wonderful! It makes a huge difference to stay with someone with whom I feel so comfortable and welcome.

Yesterday was a very exiting day when I found out that across from where I’m staying someone was looking for a roommate. It was the perfect situation. Today, I found out that actually it might not happen which really bumped me out. It is so difficult to find a place to leave when you don’t know the city, don’t have a car and feel like you need to have your own place before school starts. I guess I need to have faith that things will unfold the way they should and stressing out won’t change the course of anything.

8/16
Today I spent many hours on line looking for a place to rent. I went to look at a room to share with a guy and for sure I won’t pursue that type of arrangement again. Nice guy but it just did not feel right. Instead of spending my time discovering the city I’ve been looking for a room to share, finding the right cell phone plan, and finding a bank. All are very important things but I need to prioritize since not everything can be done at once and it’s essential to get familiar with the city. However, I’ve been feeling quite exhausted with a very low energy level. Hopefully, I’ll get some energy back in a few days and explore like a typical tourist. I’ve also spent a lot of time on the phone today since I was finally able to transfer my onesuite long distance phone plan to Canada. It was great to talk to several friends. Finding out that one of them is getting married next summer. It’s the third couple that is close to me that announced getting married next summer. I just hope they all do it in the same month so I can come once for all of them! ;) Guys please choose July ;) It’s great that some folks have a good enough relationship to get married. What the heck! Gotta try to find out. If it works great if it doesn’t well that’s how it goes. Done it once already and I have no regret.

8/17
Went finally for the first time to visit the vieux Montreal that was very nice. It looks like Europe. It definitely feels like I’m in a place with both cultural influences and everything is written in French and English. It’s a pretty cool feeling. I finally got the response that the apartment to share did not work out. I have to keep looking and hopefully find something as nice or better. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed. My boxes are coming and without a car and not knowing any guys to help out it’s going to be quite a challenge. Some how I’ll put if off. I miss being able to know where I’m at, how to do things, know who to contact for help, have your own place to go back to etc.. Anyhow it’s part of the journey and it will take a while to get adjusted to it all.

8/18
Today I looked at more places for rent. Nothing too exciting. Will look at more tomorrow so hopefully that will be it! I can’t wait to have my own place but again it’s nice to live with Leslie.

8/19
Well, it’s seems that I finally found a place to live! It’s in a basement but it’s cheap, cosy, spacious, close to the metro and the landlords are super nice! So it’s going to be a great place to be! They offered to lend me a bunch of furniture they don’t use so it’s just a wonderful match! The woman is a school counselor and enjoys working with refugees. She really liked me right away and so did I. I should be able to start bringing things in on August 27th. Now I can focus on the rest, getting things all set up with school and start looking for a job.

8/21
Today, it got confirmed that I have my basement apartment for $500/month including heat and electricity!! I also opened a bank account and met with my thesis advisor! A very constructive day! Things are moving along nicely!! Next week, will take care of looking for a job and moving in, gotta stay focus! :)

Going Away/Birthday Party

2007-08-21T13:45:00.001-07:00

Olayia and John organized a wonderful going away/birthday party. It was wonderful to have so many of my dear Seattle friends gathered. It was quite an emotional time so I had to let go by spraying as many of you with champagne ;) It was lots of fun! :) Thank you for coming and giving me wonderful memories of this important chapter of my life.

More pictures:

http://www.conradchavez.com/gallery/3300504