Cultural differences ....

This week I have been wondering a lot about cultural differences between the American and the French. There are obviously major differences but sometimes there are not that easy to define and pinpoint. Some of the most important differences are in regards to the way people relate to one another, demonstrate their attachment to others and are present for the ones they care and love. Both societies are marked by individualism but it appears that the level of reciprocity is defined and perceived differently in both cultures. As usual, it is difficult to make any generalizations but it is an overall feeling deeply felt, which has caused me interrogation, frustration, disappointment and sadness. Based on my experience and the conversations I have had with other French we agree that generally generosity and reciprocity is a behavior that is more natural and not as calculated within the French culture. Also, it appears that we are more foreword and honest in verbalizing our feelings. I am sure that there are many more differences but I'll stop the list for now. Some of you, whoever will be reading this post, may say "Carole why don't you go back to France then!" Well, it's not as easy as it seems. I am now in a position de "l'entre deux" (in between cultures) and unfortunately I don't feel like I would feel comfortable again in the French culture. I have learned so much about life and myself during my time in the US and will continue here in Canada. It has been a rich experience but at times my expectations about human connection has not met the vision I would have hoped for. It is simply a sad and harsh reality to realize and it will force me to readjust my expectations. Or maybe I'm simply too sensitive and idealist .....

Catching up on the last 2 weeks!

School:
School has been kicking my ass! At first I thought my French was rusty and it was the reason why I did not understand the different readings. In reality, it's more about the complexity of the content since I'm not the only French speaking student who does not understand it! My knowledge in philosophy is pretty poor and I'm learning about phenomenology, hermeneutic etc..

As weird as it can seem for some people, I'm having a difficult time adjusting to the University of Montreal which is similar to the French system. Since my program is a joint one, I'm able to compare some of the differences between the two schools. So far, I'm not very impressed with the University of Montreal and I am considering transferring to McGill next year. The Anglo-Saxon system is more structured and supportive, which definitely suits me much better.
I know I just started school 2 weeks ago and I'm already starting to complain! But when it's about your $$ and your time you want the best conditions to achieve your goals!

Work:
I finally found out how much I am making for my research assistant position and oh my gosh I feel so poor again! I have not been paid at that rate for maybe 20 years! I feel like going back in time! Not a good feeling! Potatoes and pasta for lunch and dinner!

























Life in Montreal:
Fall is here! It's still pretty warm but the trees are starting to change colors!

The city is beautiful! It's so ethnically diverse and vibrant! I'm getting to know more people which of course feels great! I love speaking both languages depending on who I talk to or which neighborhood I'm in. I started a kick boxing class that I really enjoy! I need to get some physical activity with all that cerebral masturbation!






Yesterday I watched my first dragon boat competition and it was so much fun! I'm thinking of joining a team next spring!









Romance:
Well, I should be open to meet someone again in few months once I'm a bit more adjusted to this new beginning!

First day of school...

School finally started on Monday! My first class is on Development of social work theory and perspectives and the second one is on Analysis of qualitative research data. There are both in French, which I know sounds weird but it is still an adjustment for me. My Monday class is my PhD class and there are only 4 students, since they only accepted 4 this year (I feel quite privileged and keep thinking that they may have made a mistake ;)). So we are four women. One is originally from Lebanon and has been here for 12 years. The two others are white originally from Quebec. All of them have stable jobs. When the professor introduced her class I felt so out of place because I did not know what the hell she was talking about! Quickly I was overwhelmed by a tremendous feeling of feeling lost as well as a great sense of loss. I felt like running away to go back to Seattle! Everything appeared so new at all levels and I felt like I could not do it all on my own! It felt like it was too much at once: being in a new city, starting a PhD, not having a support system and being unable to articulate myself correctly in French. Talking to Leslie last night, my one friend in Montreal, helped tremendously and reminded me that what I am experiencing is normal and expected. Thank goodness today was definitely a better day than yesterday. I feel much stronger and ready to take on the challenge to finish my thesis in 3 years, even if my fellow PhD students who are in their 3rd or 4th year think it's a fantasy!!

Keeping up our dreams....

Always Create Your Own Dreams
and Live Life to the Fullest

Dreams can come true
if you take the time to
think about what you want in life
Get to know yourself
Find out who you are
Choose your goals carefully
Be honest with yourself
Always believe in yourself
Find many interests and pursue them
Find out what is important to you
Find out what you are good at
Don't be afraid to make mistakes
Work hard to achieve successes
When things are not going right
don't give up - just try harder
Give yourself freedom to try out new things
Laugh and have a good time
Open yourself up to love
Take part in the beauty of nature
Be appreciative of all that you have
Help those less fortunate than you
Work towards peace in the world
Live life to the fullest
Create your own dreams and
follow them until they are a reality

-Poem by Susan Polis Schutz

Left to tell

Today I spent the day reading "Left To Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust". This book is the most powerful book I ever read. I could not put it down, it was so captivating and moving. As some of you may already know my thesis topic is on "Rwanda: Construction of Meaning and Resilience Factors amongst its Survivors". This book definitely helped me to dive into the core of my topic.

Summary of the book from http://www.lefttotell.com/book/index.php
Immaculée shares her miraculous story of how she survived during the Rwanda genocide in 1994 when she and seven other women huddled silently together in the cramped bathroom of a local pastor’s house for 91 days! In this captivating and inspiring book, Immaculée shows us how to embrace the power of prayer, forge a profound and lasting relationship with God, and discover the importance of forgiveness and the meaning of truly unconditional love and understanding—through our darkest hours.

After being disconnected from my topic since I finished writing my thesis proposal back in January, this book allowed me to be in touch again with this poignant subject. I feel more than ever inspired and compelled to start this awaiting journey.

A tremendous THANK YOU to Salomé who gave me this book as a going away present.

What am I doing?

Today I met with my PhD advisor and I started having some doubts about the choice I made to go for a PhD... I felt overwhelmed with the amount of work that is waiting for me!


I questioned myself if I will be indeed able to write a dissertation! It feels daunting, overwhelming, scary etc...!



Many doubts, fears, questions and after a while I realized once more that I made the right choice. I could not have continued doing what I was doing in Seattle. Nothing was no longer holding me back in Seattle including no long term significant other. Therefore, it was the perfect time to finally make the jump and try a new adventure to feel inspired again, focus on the work that has always passionated me and contribute to a field of research that is so essential to me, which is ethnopsychiatry and more specifically mental health and refugee. It seems that I may need to have a pretty ascetic life for a while, a long time, until my PhD is over.... 3 years more ...? Gosh I hope not ;( It feels like life will only be about reading, writing, reading, writing... What about the rest? Like meeting the right dude? ... Life will tell as it unfolds page after page, chapter after chapter like this new one that just started ....

Downtown Montreal

I still have so much to discover but so far downtown Montreal is pretty cool! The population is ethnically and culturally very diverse. The architecture is very nice. It feels like home again with the old architecture, the narrow streets in old Montreal and of course the French language. It is definitely a mix of my two homes, France and Seattle. It's a wonderful feeling to have those two worlds in one!

Here are few pics of downtown Montreal:

Beautiful picture, heh? But unfortunately I did not take it ;)

Here is Chinatown where I tried to find some cheap things for the house to buy. I was not too successful but got some yummy jasmine tea.


I love the contrast between the old and new architecture!



A Nôtre Dame church.

Views of Montreal

I am there, that's right!! Picture taken on top of what the Quebecois call the "Mountain", le Mont Royal.

Leslie and her mom, two terrific ladies! Leslie's hospitality has been wonderful and made a world of a difference in being a new comer in the city. Getting to know her has been a delight! Thanks so much Andrea!!

Part of downtown Montreal behind the trees ;)

The background of the picture is the US, Vermont state.